I'd like some Mental Liquid Paper

I have a huge desk calendar on the wall of my cube at work. I had marked my two doctor's appointments for this month and highlighted them in pink so that I knew at glance that these were personal events. The first one was my sonogram on October 2, which we now know was the ill-fated "dead baby day".

The other appointment sits there and mocks me. Today, I was supposed to have what amounted to my 3-month visit. THE day we had been waiting for. The day that the baby becomes real and you are out of the dark Waiting Months. The baby steps into the ray of sunshine from the heavens and angels sing and now we can tell EVERYONE and send out sonogram pictures and SMILE. Sure, you know that bad things can happen, but on this day, percentages magically appear in your favor. This was the day we had been looking forward to.
When I saw this date on my calendar last week, I stared at it for second and contemplated ripping the whole month off. Then, I said to myself, "No. I will not let this date ruin an entire month." So, I used White-Out on it instead. Still, the White-Out mocks me, although not as loudly. Now, I find myself trying to see through the White-Out. What time was that appointment for? I can't remember.

And what do I get instead on this most unholy day? I'm bleeding. Why am I bleeding? I sneak into a dark office to call the doctor's office to pose this question. The nurse will talk to the doctor and call me back. That doesn't sound good. Boy, I'm getting tired of being in this position. Blood...not good...dark office/secret phone call...waiting for potentially scary call on my cell phone while trying to look like I'm working, except that I can't concentrate on work....

Ring, ring...."The doctor says you are probably having your period. Oh, and we don't have the results back from the chromosone test yet."

I'm sorry...what? Period? That hadn't even occurred to me. Probably because I haven't had one since May. MAY. And, I don't know...I guess I thought that the two weeks that I bled after my D&C would give me an exemption for a month. Turns out..not.